My Heart Beats to a Bulldog Drum

Kaliszewski_5384Dear Cain,

I sit in quiet reflection today, finding it hard to believe that four years have passed by so swiftly.

Time has rearranged my life, delicately sewing the remaining pieces of my heart together, falling short of the hole that was left when I lost you. I miss you like crazy buddy, and sometimes in those moments when I’m missing you the most, I can still feel you right there next to me. Oh, how I wish I could touch you.

This morning as I was coming in from feeding the horses, I thought about how you would always wait patiently for me to play a game of tug. Pausing for a moment, I smiled and gazed up at the sky. There was one lone star still shining brightly, all of the others faded with the morning light. I paused for a moment and just as I’ve done for so many years, I blew a kiss. And just as I’ve done for so many years, I watched that kiss travel to the heavens. And just as it’s happened for so many years, the soft ping of a chime echoed in the quiet stillness of the morning.

Over the past four years I’ve tried hard to be all that you taught me. I’ve fallen short many times, and have had to remind myself in those moments to be more canine. To live my life just as you taught me and as I wrote about on April 17, 2009 in Lessons From Cain. To love more, to forgive more, to open my heart and to be more accepting…to live my life filled with purpose and without regret.

And as I continue to think about you, I hear a train whistle blow. That same train whistle that used to make you “woof”, that same whistle that I haven’t heard in so long. I smile once again….thanks buddy. I celebrate your life each and every day. Your love carries on, and beyond a doubt I’m certain you know that my heart still beats to a bulldog drum.

Love you buddy. ♥ ~k

♥FTLoCA♥ For The Love of Cain Always

For The Love of Cain Always