A Conversation With Erin Allen

November 20, 2009

“I’ve seen and met angels wearing the disguises of ordinary people living ordinary lives.”
-Tracy Chapman

The phone call that I received yesterday as I was heading outside, came from Erin Allen who is with the Argus Institute. A fitting person to call me at that time, though her timing was unknown to her. She had heard about Cain the day before and was calling to offer her support. I mentioned that I was going outside to listen for the chimes and she offered to call back, but I told her it was okay. It was good to have her with me, even if it was just over the phone.

As I sat down, I told her about Uncle Lenny and how he had told me to listen for a chime when Cain left and that it’s now become a soothing comfort over the past week. She listened while I told her about the events leading up to the past week and her shoulders became another source for me to cry on, as my emotions rocked up and down. We talked for a long time, almost 47 minutes. I don’t remember her saying that things would get easier, though maybe she did. What I do remember her saying was that it was okay to be sad. That everything I was doing was okay. She didn’t act surprised at my overwhelming grief and gave me suggestions when I told her how I questioned myself regarding decisions I had made. She told me that sometimes it is easy to get “stuck in the mud” as we dwell on things that keep us from moving forward. Simple words that made perfect sense as I have spent many moments “stuck”, wondering if I did all that I could have and if certain choices I made were the best.

I have a world of appreciation for the team that makes up the Argus Institute and the support that they offer. In the past I have also spent time with Gail Bishop, who along with Erin, are amazing assets to this program. By chance, I found an email today sent by Gail a few weeks ago, that is still fitting when she says, “Take each moment with both hands and your full heart and you’ll get through this.” They are special people to be able to do what they do and I’ll be forever grateful for their compassion and support through one of the most difficult times in my life. Through Cain, once again, I have gained two new friends. The chimes softly sing.