A Roller Coaster

November 11, 2009

The past week has not been easy. As Dr. Biller so aptly put it I’m on the roller coaster. All of the dramatic changes that I was told would happen are gaining momentum. Cain has lost a lot of weight, sleeps almost constantly and I can’t beg him enough to eat. He drinks water, but it doesn’t stay down. We’ve been to the vet’s office just about every day since my last post and have had him on IV fluids and antibiotics for the past 3 days. At Deer Creek we have been marveling at how many obstacles Cain has overcome in his life time and everyone is plugging for him. I have sat by his side in his kennel while fluids ran through his veins willing him to fight, but this time the fight is too hard. With much grief today, I made the decision. Now it’s time.

I have tried to be brave and accepting, knowing this time would come, but it is the hardest thing I’ve ever known. I laid by his side on the grass today, tears streaming down my face, trying desperately to be “in the moment”. On wobbly legs he followed me to the barn to feed the horses never stopping to pick up small fragments of stuff on the ground as he normally does. He just stood there. Maybe he somehow sensed I needed one last time. Maybe we both needed one last time. It was a moment…thank you Cain.