❤Remembering Cain❤

❤REMEMBERING CAIN❤

“Either define the moment or the moment will define you.” ~
Walt Whitman

There are moments in life that define us, whether good or bad, they all contribute to and become a part of who we are. Each moment that passes leaves an imprint on our soul that sometimes we react to immediately, and sometimes we inadvertently let them lay buried, until they nudge their way back to the surface; all the while shaping and molding us into what we can or will become.

It was a summer day in 1999, that is still just as clear in my mind as if it were yesterday. He was the runt of the litter. He was the dog that I had told my son he shouldn’t have because he was in college. He was the dog that my son stood holding before me; homely, droopy eyed, a wrinkly bundle of pink, saggy skin and scruffy white fur. He had watery eyes and a small bit of drool seeping from both sides of his mouth, and my son claimed he had selected the cutest puppy from his friends’ litter. I had seen American Bulldog puppies before, and this one didn’t compare. I remember my disbelief that this was the pup that had somehow spoken to my son the loudest, and one of his remarks has stuck with me to this day, “Look at his eyes, they’re beautiful. He has one blue eye!”

As fate would have it, my son discovered a little over a year later that I was right! After being back in school for a couple of weeks, he came home one day and discovered that Cain was missing. For two long months we searched tirelessly, combing the streets, tacking fliers to telephone posts, and checking every shelter. After being told of the prevalence of dog fighting in the area, we feared that Cain had been stolen, and was possibly being used as a bait dog. I was beside myself, and wouldn’t give up in the search to find him. I spent my days off driving hours from home to scour the back roads of northern Colorado. In a final act of desperation, I placed an ad in the most highly read section of the paper, offered a large reward, and the following day we received a call. We had found Cain, and within a month, the dog that I had told my son he had no business having, had won my heart and was settled in nicely conducting business with me!

Cain was born with a host of medical issues. He had an abnormally short tongue, a malformed pharynx, rear leg muscles that never fully developed, and a knack for getting sick often. He couldn’t run or jump like other dogs, he couldn’t eat or drink without assistance. He never managed much more than a muffled woof and he drooled a thick mess of gooey saliva constantly, which he chose to share with everybody he met. We spent more time at the veterinarians each year, than most dogs do in a lifetime. I was told on far too many occasions that he was lucky to have me, but I knew better…I was the lucky one. He was my best friend, my four legged partner, he went everywhere with me, and was always by my side. For all of my faults, he loved me more than I ever felt I could return. I believe to this day that had Cain not chosen my son on that day in 1999, his life would have turned out far differently. Perhaps this gives even more meaning and reason to those who believe that all things are meant to be, and everything happens as it should.

Cain never possessed any special talents, or feats of athleticism. He was never honored for any exemplary acts of courage or service. He had no claim to fame other than a short stint visiting patients in an assisted living center. The patients seemed to be able to look past the drool that ran incessantly from his mouth, though the staff felt otherwise. What he did have though, was an uncanny ability to communicate, and understand, which was almost human like. Spelling words became a common practice within his ear shot, and for all I know, he may have figured that out too! Cain showed extreme love and shared it with everybody he met, almost to the point of being obnoxious at times. No one was a stranger and no one was ever spared! He always wanted to be a part of everything; and he let you know it! There was a very special uniqueness about Cain. He was a dog that defied the unfairness that plagued his body, and taught me, and everyone who knew him, the true meaning of our existence by living each moment of life with love and acceptance. He was my hero, simple as he was.

My dogs inspired me to start my business, Wishcuit, in the spring of 2008, but my plans were quickly put on hold when a routine x-ray discovered that Cain had a cancerous lung tumor. The news was a devastating blow and a wake up call that the time we had left to spend together was coming to an end far sooner than I had ever expected. My dog, who had managed to overcome every illness, who had baffled veterinarians and specialists alike, who had just turned nine years old, now had to battle a disease that strikes fear in all who hear that six letter word. It certainly didn’t seem fair. Through surgery, and chemo treatments, and countless visits to the vet, we weathered the storm, and fought his cancer together. I poured my heart out in a blog, and shared the rawest of emotions, but always tried to stay positive in his presence. The bond and love that we shared grew stronger with each day.

It was on another summer day in 2009, while working in my garden, that I looked over to see Cain lying next to a chair on the patio. I took a break and sat beside him, relishing our quiet moment together, and as we sat, I sketched a simple drawing on a scrap of paper that depicted all that he meant to me…our love, pure and simple. Just a few weeks later, on November 12, 2009, Cain passed away.

I never spent a lot of time preparing for the moment that I would no longer have him by my side, and instead embraced every single second that we had. Whenever that dark cloud of thought made its presence, I managed to chase it away and kept it at a safe distance. Deep down I held on to the tiniest of hopes that he would be able to fight this demon and win as he had so many times before. I’m also certain that no matter how much I would have tried, no amount of preparing would have made me ready for that day and the unbearable grief that it brought. Without invitation it continues to visit me unexpectedly from time to time.

Shortly after Cain passed away, the tiny drawing that he inspired on that late summer day became an outlet for my grief. I created the Loves Adds Up campaign in his memory, and found it a comforting way to honor his life and a way for me to keep his love alive by continuing to spread the lessons of love that he taught me. The campaign has traveled around the world and thousands of stickers and magnets that depict the image, have been sold to raise funds for dogs in need and canine cancer research.

Cain continues to be the inspiration behind many things that I do, and a dream that I had about him inspired another campaign called Love Grows. In June 2011, it became more than a dream when I launched Wishcuit’s Love Grows Canine Cancer Campaign, which is my vision for a world that is free from cancer. Love Grows raises funds for canine cancer research & treatment, and groups that provide financial assistance to those who cannot afford treatment for their canine companions that have been diagnosed with cancer.

Cain’s love and life lives on inside me. There isn’t a day that goes by, that I don’t think of him; sometimes with tears; always with a smile and a deep love in my heart. If I can pass along the love that he so freely shared without condition, and help less fortunate dogs along the way, then I know I’m carrying on my life the way he would have wanted me to. Did I define the moment on that summer day in 1999? I don’t think so, but thanks to the love from one very special dog, it certainly defined me!

Love never dies, and you know, he really did have the most beautiful eyes. FTLoCA❤