November 12, 2009
“THE FLAME THAT BURNS TWICE AS BRIGHT, BURNS HALF AS LONG.” -Laozi
My heart is heavy. I feel an emptiness beyond words. It’s almost as hard to write as it is to speak and I’m numb with grief.
Today we helped Cain make the transition to his next journey while laying on that same patch of grass in the backyard, with the sun shining, we said goodbye. I can’t use any other words for this as they sound clinical and cold. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done and though I know in my heart that I made the right decision for him, I am overwhelmed with sadness and a void so great I feel as though I’m suffocating.
He was the bright flame in my life, my best friend, my gift.
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Cain,
Every time I saw you, your energy was infectious. I remember the first time I met you…when you walked in the door, you were not the ill patient I expected to see. You had cancer…and though I know you knew, I don’t think you cared. You were wiggling around, rubbing on your mom’s legs, smiling and excited to see everyone in the room. You shined from within.
Even the last time, your insisted on snuggles and tail wags, your eyes still bright with the sparkle of life that lives only for the glory of today, unconcerned about the tomorrow.
Keep shining on, dear Cain. Your spirit is still bright. Please light the way through the darkness of today for those who knew you. You blessed us all.